I’ve found that this mini-series style worked well for me last time, so I’m trying it again. Last time was about farming, this is much different. I’ve shared before bits and pieces of my history of depression. Now I want to share with you a bit of the day to day life of being a working mom, farmer’s wife and modern woman living with depression. Mental health is a hot topic these days, but I feel like many people who have not experienced it first hand have difficulty understanding it. It’s hard to give empathy to something that you might not be able to comprehend.
What I will be sharing with you is based solely, and completely on my personal experiences. I am not a professional, I don’t know exactly what it is like for others. This is a sampling of how this disease affects me and my family. You or someone you know might be experiencing something similar, or something completely different. If you’d like to learn about something, have a question or comment, feel free to comment or find me on facebook. I want to end the stigma of depression, and feel the best and most effective way to do that, is to talk about it.
My first diagnosis of depression came in high school. It’s a heredity/genetic thing for me. I had not traumatic experiences, no significant events. At that point in my life, I often asked, “Why me? Why now?” I truly believe that I began dealing with my illness at this age, so that later in life, when it resurfaced, I would have an understanding of what was happening. Depression cycles, there are good times and bad times. I have been on a two year cycle for many years. Six months of bad, then I find a balance, figure out a little more about myself, and get better for about 12-18 months. Then it repeats. After the birth of my daughter, I fell into a really deep postpartum depression. This time in life, I had a lot more to live for. I had two babies and a husband at home who were relying heavily on me. I needed to get better. I put in the work. I got better.
During that depression I starting writing to cope. I write now to cope. My depression is rearing it’s ugly head again and I am struggling. But I will get through this again. I must.
But living life with depression, even when the days are good and a healthy balance is present, are still hard. Being a mom with depression is the hardest. There are so many other lives literally depending on me for survival, and I’m not sure that I, myself ,will survive. This illness is powerful. It overwhelms and devours my life.
Over the next few weeks, I’m going to share with you some of the more intimate details of being a “Depressed Mom.” How I struggle, how I find success. Where I go to fill my cup and find balance and how I cope with this disease and illness on a daily basis.
I invite you to walk this journey with me. To learn, to cry, to pray, to breath, to yearn, and to harvest.
Prayers for my dear Leah! 🙏