The other day as I perused through my facebook feed I noticed someone had liked a post that looked interesting. I don’t know who liked the post or how it came across my feed, but I’m pretty sure it was the Holy Spirit. That Spirit is a tricky little guy and I couldn’t love it more. God is speaking… are you listening?
The post was about a shaken baby. It was a page dedicated to the families and stories that share the devastation that just a few moments of anger and frustration can produce. As I read, the tears started to roll. I just wanted to hold my own babies and protect them. The more I read the more my heart broke. It broke. It shattered.
I am not a perfect mother. I mess up. A lot. But I do some things right. I have had moments of complete frustration with my children. Times when the sounds they make are the most awful thing I’ve ever heard. But they also make the most beautiful sounds in the entire world. I often remind myself that it is ok for them to cry. I built safe environments in my home, so if a moment comes when I need to leave them in a room by themselves and take a few moments to myself, it will be ok. They can play, or cry, or do whatever it is they do while I calm down, breath and remind myself of the treasures they are. I’m not perfect, but I’m the best mother they have. I must keep trying.
Ever since I was a young girl I always wanted to find a way to make adoption a part of my life. As I grew I learned more about other children in need. There are so many beautiful babies, beautiful creations of God’s perfect hand that need love. There are so many children that need families.
As I’ve continued to explore these options and needs in the world my eyes have also been opened to foster care. I’ve been blessed to see first hand the gift that foster care can bring. Growing up, I had an aunt and uncle who were foster parents. I’m pretty sure that I was about 14 or 15 when I learned that one of their “children” wasn’t actually my cousin, but was a foster child that had lived with them since I started remembering. He’s always been one of the family to me and I never would think any different. Just 17 days before my son was born, my brother-in-law and sister-in-law received placement of a baby boy for foster care. That little boy is just a few papers away from officially becoming my nephew now. He has been such a blessing for our family. And let me tell you this little guy and my own little guy are best buddies and full of trouble and I can’t wait to watch them grow together. My best friend has worked for the past few years in Child Protective Services and tells me snippets of stories about the children she has worked with. Some of their stories are completely unbelievable and horrid. I’ve often asked her if she could pick me out a child, and she said she’d have dozens ready in a moments notice. So many kids that she, herself, would love to take home. Good kids, smart kids, needy kids who just want someone to notice them, love them.
My heart strings aren’t just being tugged. They are being pulled out through my chest.
I have a lot of love. I mean, like a whole big bunch. I was raised in one of the most loving families I’ve ever seen. I’m good at loving.
I’m not rich. I don’t have the latest and greatest. But I’m blessed. I can share my blessings.
And thus, I look to the next step in my life journey. Ross and I are closely considering foster care. It will be a long process for us and may not happen for several years yet. But we’re starting the process in our hearts and heads. We are preparing our family to open our doors and arms.
We have decided that before we can start the paper work, we must get our family in a better groove. We must become more organized, in our home, finances and lives. We have set up daily goals in order to create habits. We want to have better habits that will give us more time. More time for our children. More time for expanding our family. More time for God to work in our lives.
As we pray for guidance and understanding, we ask you to join us in prayer. Pray for our family. But also pray for the families and children we will someday be helping. And pray for the families we won’t be. Pray for the children that need love so badly. Pray for the parents that are lost and broken. Pray for healing for all.
When I have times of questioning, I think of my favorite part of the greatest prayer, “Thy will be done.” I don’t need to know the plan, because it isn’t my, it’s His. His will be done.
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