Depressed Mom: The “OR” Life

First off, thank you so much to those of you whom have reached out to me personal about this series. It truly means the world to me and certainly reassures me that every brawl is worth fighting. The support and love I’ve received is immeasurable.

Ross, my husband, and I have been working so hard on our communication through this stage. It’s not easy. I’ve always thought that the way we are able to communicate with each other is one of the strongest traits of our relationships. It still is, however, it’s also hard. I care deeply about him. He is the person I love most in the world. I don’t want to hurt him or see him in pain. He doesn’t want me to see him scared or fearful. When you have information that you know is going to hurt another, it’s often hard to share. It is hard for me to let him into whats going on in my head… especially when I don’t even want to go there. He doesn’t want to seem weak or unable to provide and care for his family and wife. That has meant that neither of us say anything… which helps no one. We must talk, we must let it out and we must feel.

I often feel like I’m stuck in the “or” life. With only two possibilities and only one answer.

Work OR stay home

Farm OR city

Healthy eating OR cravings met

Exercise and be sore OR fat and comfortable

ok, some of these seem silly, but there really is an “or” factor.

Do I teach my daughter to love her body just how it is and be proud to share it however she wants OR do I teach her to protect it as the precious treasure it is, covered and hidden so no one tries to take it from her.

Do I make my son go to school crying every day because he is anxious and doesn’t know how to cope with and express his emotions OR do I home school him, allowing him to stay in his comfort zone and thrive in that space, but not push him to try new things and learn to handle his emotions.

Do we stay on the farm living out my husband’s dreams OR move to the city where we won’t have the financial struggles.

Do I let someone into my personal struggles and reach out for the help I need, risking judgement and missing opportunities OR do I try to maintain and manage on my own while risking sinking too far into my own depression that I cannot get out again.

The “OR” life.

Life too often seems black and white.

When we live in the black and white, we are blocking out so much of life and ignoring, forgetting about or refusing to seek out other options. We need the gray, the shades, the depth, the textures, the diversity, the definition.

I challenge you to look at your “or’s” and instead of focusing on the choice, focus on the freedom. The ability to create and develop and ignite something new. Choose both. Find balance. Open the conversation. Live in the grey.

My husband and I are working on our grey, understanding each other and expanding our communication. We are working on the grey to find harmony in our family life, work life, and relationship.

Live in the gray.

Happy Harvesting,

P.S. If you haven’t entered our Facebook Giveaway, you still have time!! Win a pair of homemade horseshoe hooks! Click HERE to find out how!

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